Thirukkural 106 — Never Forget Friends Who Were Pure and Who Stood By You

Simple English meaning

This kural gives us two clear instructions. First: never forget the friendship of people who are pure in heart and character. Second: never walk away from the friendship of people who were there for you when you were suffering.

Thiruvalluvar is saying that the two most precious friendships in life are with good people and with loyal people — and we must hold on to both, no matter what changes around us.

Practical life lesson

Thiruvalluvar placed this kural in the chapter on gratitude and returning kindness for a reason. He understood that human beings tend to forget — we forget who helped us when we were struggling, especially once life gets easier. This kural is a direct reminder: do not let that forgetting happen.

The word maasatraar means those who are without stain or blemish — people of clean, honest character. The word thuppayaar means those who were your strength in suffering — the people who gave you support when you had nothing else to lean on. Thiruvalluvar says both kinds of friendship are rare and precious, and both must be protected with intention.

In everyday life, we often judge our friendships by how convenient they are right now. When we are doing well, we spend time with people who match our current status. But Thiruvalluvar asks us to look backwards too — to remember who was there before the success, before the comfort, before things got easier.

1. Pure character is rare — do not take it for granted. Most people we meet in life are shaped by self-interest. A friend who is genuinely good, honest, and without hidden motives is someone to hold close, not drift from.
2. Loyalty in suffering is the truest test of friendship. Anyone can be a friend when things are good. The person who stayed with you during your worst days showed you something real — do not repay that with forgetting.
3. Forgetting is not always dramatic — it is often slow and quiet. We rarely decide to abandon good friends. We just get busy, stop calling, stop visiting. This kural warns us that even that quiet drift is something to guard against.

A modern example

Arjun grew up in a small town in Tamil Nadu. His family did not have much money, and the years after college were very hard. He applied to many jobs and was rejected again and again. During those two difficult years, his friend Suresh was always there — meeting him on weekends, encouraging him, even lending him money for an important interview trip when Arjun could not afford the bus ticket.

Eventually, Arjun got a good job in Bengaluru. His life changed quickly. He made new colleagues, joined a gym, moved to a better apartment. Suresh was still back home, living a quiet and simple life. They spoke less and less. Arjun told himself he was busy. He told himself Suresh would understand.

One day, while scrolling through old photos, Arjun found a picture of Suresh and himself from those hard years. He remembered the bus ticket. He remembered the weekends. He sat quietly for a long time.

That evening, Arjun called Suresh. Not because he needed anything. Just because Thiruvalluvar was right — you do not forget the person who was your strength in suffering. You call them. You show up. You return the kindness.

How to apply today

1. Make a list of people who were there for you in a hard time. Think back to your most difficult year. Who called? Who showed up? Who stayed? Write their names down. This is your list to protect.
2. Reach out to one pure-hearted friend you have drifted from. You probably know at least one person who is genuinely good — honest, caring, without games. If you have lost touch, send a message today. Just say you were thinking of them.
3. Stop measuring old friendships by new standards. When life changes, we sometimes compare old friends to new ones and find the old ones "less interesting." This kural asks you to remember what those old friends gave you before you had anything to offer in return.

Good friendships are not just things that happen to us — they are things we have to choose to keep. This kural is a quiet nudge: look back, remember well, and do not let gratitude become just a feeling you mean to express someday.

A question to sit with